Saturday, August 28, 2010

Balderdash - Life explained


“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Life explained
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson

Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouths. Some people are born to face a life of challenges. And some are born so that we can look at them and wonder how they will ever survive the age of cyberspace…
During a recent password audit, it was found that a young woman was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento."
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least eight characters long and include at least one capitol.
I hope she never has to install software in her computer.
Then there are some people who are born so that we can look at them and determine, in advance, their fate…
The husband was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy to go out and ask his wife, "What's for supper?"
"WHAT?!? You sit in the air conditioning all day while I'm out here working?!? I can't believe you have the nerve to ask me about supper right now! Tell you what -- imagine I'm out of town. Go inside and figure out dinner for yourself."
The husband went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak with potatoes, garlic bread and a tall glass of iced tea.
The wife finally finished the lawn and walked in about the time he was finishing up.
"You fixed something to eat? So where is mine?"
"Huh? I thought you were out of town."
His viewing is Monday from 2-4 and 7-9. His funeral is Tuesday.
There are many questions in life, not the least of which is how God determined the level of the various species, their roles and the amount of time each is given to perform them.
I’ve often wondered what I was born to do and the amount of time I’d be given.
Now I know.
On the first day, God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10?" So God agreed.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, "Entertain people, do tricks, 
and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a 20-year life span."

The monkey said, "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to 
perform. How about I give you back 10 like the dog did?" And God agreed.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years."
The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?" And God agreed again.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years." But the human said, "Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave 
back; that makes 80, okay?"
"Okay," said God. "You asked for it."
So that is why for our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information. I'm doing it as a public service.
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.

Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive a daily notification of his comments, opinions and reports, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.

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