Balderdash - Who's your role model?

“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”

Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary

Who’s your role model?

Verities & Balderdash

By Bob Robinson

I often complain about big government. I guess that’s kind of like my trademark. What people don’t usually remember is that I will complain about big business as well when I see examples of abuse or stupidity. I’ve also had a few royal battles with corporations who think they’re just as invulnerable as big government.

The following is almost identical to a former experience… believe it or not!

Be sure to cancel your credit cards before you die!

A lady died this past January and her bank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to the bank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Bank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe you should turn it over to collections.'

Bank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: ‘So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Bank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Bank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Bank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Bank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Bank: 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.'

Bank:  'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.'

After they get the fax:

Bank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Bank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Bank: 'That might help....'

Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Bank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

I’ve done a lot of research over the years and discovered some rather unusual stories. Take this one for example…

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica?

Where do they go? Wonder no more!

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird that lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing: 

"Freeze a jolly good fellow"

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." 

Then they kick him in the ice hole.

You really didn't believe that I actually discovered this about penguins, did you?

Find out who is your true role model - mine was Ronald Reagan! It’s simple, but FIRST you have to do the simple math below. Then scroll down and find your hero.

               

It is truly remarkable just how accurate this is!   

1) Pick your favorite number between 1 and 8    

2) Multiply your choice by 3   

3) Add 3  

4) Multiply again by 3      

5) You'll get a 2 digit number... maybe 42, for example    

6) Add the digits together.  Example 4 and 2 = 6  

               

Now Scroll down.   

With that number, see who your role model is from the list below:  

1.   Albert Einstein   

2.   Oprah Winfrey   

3.   Mother Theresa   

4.   Ronald Reagan   

5.   Bill Gates  

6.   Gandhi   

7.   Eleanor Roosevelt  

8.   Babe Ruth  

9.   Bob Robinson

10. Winston Churchill    

11. Barbara Walters  

12. Dalai Lama

I know, I know... I just have that effect on people... One day you, too, can be like me... Believe it!

P.S. Stop picking different numbers. I am your idol!

Deal with it!!

Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.

See you next time.

Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive a daily notification of his comments, opinions and reports, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.