“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
We gotta ban doctors
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
Here’s another hodgepodge for your enjoyment…
Ole sure has been making his rounds!!!
Ole lived across the Minnesota River from Clarence Bunsen, whom he didn't like at all. They were yelling across the river at each other all the time.
Ole would yell to Clarence, "If I had a vay to cross dis river, I'd come ofver dere an beat you up good, yeah sure ya betcha by golly!"
This went on for years. Finally, the state built a bridge across the river right there by their houses.
Ole's wife, Lena, says, "Now iss yer chance, Ole. Vhy doncha go over dere and beat up dat Clarence like you said you vud?"
Ole replied, "OK, by yimmy, I tink I vill do yust dat!"
Ole started for the bridge, but he saw a sign on the bridge and stopped to read it, then turned around and came back home.
Lena asked, "Vhy did you come back?"
Ole said, " Lena, I tink I changed my mind 'bout beatin' up dat Clarence. You know, vhen I yell at him from across da river he don't look so big. But dey put a sign on da bridge dat says…
"Clarence is 13 ft. 6 in."
This is dedicated to all of us who are seniors, to all of you who know seniors, and to all of you who will become seniors.
"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper?!"
The irate customer calling the newspaper office, loudly demanded to know where her Sunday edition was.
"Madam", said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on SUNDAY".
There was a long quiet pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,
"Well, damn, that explains why no one was at church today."
A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol related.
This means that the remaining 77% are caused by jerks who just drink coffee, carbonated drinks, juices, yogurts, and stuff like that.
Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol. They cause three times as many accidents.
This message is sent by someone who worries about your well being.
Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.
My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.
Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.
Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders".
Guess where I am now...
I send this info for your health and benefit,
To assure you a long prosperous life...
The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.
Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health and Human Services.
The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. Yes, that's 80 million. The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.
Statistics courtesy of FBI.
So, statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one doctor.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.
Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive a daily notification of his comments, opinions and reports, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.
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