Bethany... Preparation saves for a world of hurt

Preparation saves for a world of hurt

Bethany J. Royer

Mother of the Munchkins

I’ve read that divorce should be more difficult to obtain, if not illegal, when it’s marriage that should come with a plethora of hoops and obstacles. At least, there should be far more obstacles than gift registration, obtaining a wedding dress that doesn’t require the selling of a vital organ to afford it, or the decision of whether or not Uncle Herb should be allowed anywhere near the open bar.

We can start by making marriage licenses exorbitantly expensive with year-long waiting periods. The latter being what we repeat divorce offenders know as the cool-off period after all the papers have been filed. That should be plenty of time for couples to decide if their impending significant other is good enough to keep the kids every other weekend and one week out of the summer.

Also, during that year long wait there will be a required psychological and financial evaluation. No more finding out, after the fact, that your significant other is thousands of dollars in debt to Hooters or the local shoe store. Or that they are a closeted Jeffrey Dahmer or Lizzie Borden.

Plus, a mandatory parenting class regardless of whether or not the couple plans on having children. Because it really does take a community to raise a child and hey, if we divorcees have to go through a mandatory parenting class on how to deal with the ex-significant other we’d just as well see drop dead on sight, so too should the happily pre-married.

That’ll teach those engaged couples to be so happy and kissy and holding hands… gross.

Also, pre-nuptial agreements and the far newer divorce insurance, Wedlock, should be mandatory, like car insurance. The two should prove insulting enough to lift the veil of heady romance shrouded over one’s love-filled eyes to see the hard work that marriage is and the realities to follow after the wedding of one’s dreams. And I don’t mean just the reality of all the wedding bills and the bar tab for Uncle Herb at the reception.

We all know love is like beer goggles, but you can still drive and it doesn’t require an ID. Yet, someday I’ll get that changed, hopefully before my girls are old enough to marry. Course, my children are under the impression that marriage, dating, and having kids of their own before the age of thirty is illegal.

I suppose a lot of people would find all this red tape and paperwork for getting married ludicrous and yet another intrusion into their lives but I see the reasons. Actually, I’ve lived the reasons; the emotional and economical toll of divorce has been plentiful enough in my life to want to get the message out, to have folks properly prepared for the realities of married life.

It’s rather like spending an insane amount of time reading over the how-to manual for the new chainsaw you bought at the local hardware store. Instead of just jumping in and being surprised when you’ve cut off all your fingers.

Preparation saves for a world of hurt on down the road.

The mother of two munchkins, Bethany J. Royer is an independent contractor and writer currently studying psychology with Florida Institute of Technology.  She is actively seeking a publisher for her first completed novel while working on a memoir about her personal trials and tribulations with divorce.

She blogs prolifically at motherofthemunchkins.blogspot.com and can be reached at themotherofthemunchkins@yahoo.com.