“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Arrogance and reality
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
Here is a collection of four little goodies that might give you another reason to smile on this beautiful fall day. A note of warning, however, if you are PC sensitive, you might want to wait for another week.
If you’re willing to smile, despite your sensitivities, then enjoy!
After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.
However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.
When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings…
‘I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.'
See if you have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else. I sent it to you because I figured I had nothing Toulouse.
Moan all you wish. I thought it was cute.
She was walking down the street when she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.
She took out her wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago", the homeless woman said.
"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" she asked.
"No, I don't waste time shopping," the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" she asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!"
"Well," she said, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight."
The homeless woman was shocked. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The woman said, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments and wine."
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop.
The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me. Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says, 'Beat it! You are washed up and I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'
The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM - he blows the young rooster to bits.
The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dammit… third gay rooster I bought this month.'
Moral of this story? Don't mess with the OLD FARTS! Age, skill, wisdom and a little treachery always overcome youth and arrogance!
The North Dakota Department of Labor claimed a small Bismarck farmer was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to investigate him.
Department of Labor employee: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Farmer: Well, there's my farm hand that’s been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.
Then there's the mentally challenged worker. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally.
NCDL employee: That's the guy I want to talk to... the mentally challenged one.
Farmer: That would be me.
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.
Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive a daily notification of his comments, opinions and reports, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.
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