“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Wise guy logic
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
Over the months I’ve received a variety of little ditties. I’ve been insulted, I’ve been told why I should never argue with a woman (heck, I already knew that), I’ve been given the secret of red hair and why I should never question the logic of a child (young or old).
It’s phenomenal the things you learn simply by opening an email from a friend, like the Six Truths of Life this “friend” sent me…
1. No matter how hard you try you cannot stick your tongue out and look up at the ceiling at the same time.
2. All idiots, after reading No. 1 will try it.
3. And discover No. 1 is a lie.
4. You are smiling now because you are an idiot.
5. You soon will forward this to another idiot.
6. There is still a stupid smile on your face. I apologize for this but I'm an idiot and I needed company.
I don’t forward emails… but I can’t help but smile as I share this with all of my V&B friends.
You’ve heard the stories about (and seen) “knockout” redheads, so I don’t understand the issue. Unless you are a guy, I guess. Sorry, guys, but I haven’t heard any stories about (or seen) “knockout” redhead guys… just gals.
At any rate, this happy new father became frantic when he saw his little boy for the first time…
He went to the Obstetrician.
'Doctor,' the man said, 'I'm a little upset because my son has red hair. He can't possibly be mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said. 'Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.’
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'
'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?'
The man seemed a bit ashamed. 'I've been working very hard for the past couple of years. We only made love once or twice every few months.'
'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.
'It's rust!'
Moral? Never question a doctor if you don’t want his answer. Same thing when you try to mess with a woman. This public servant hasn’t learned it yet.
The husband returns the boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.
Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.
Along comes a Fish and Game Warden. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?'
'Reading a book,' she replies, thinking, 'Isn't that obvious?'
'You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
'Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.
'But I haven't touched you,' says the Game Warden.
'That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.'
'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.
Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Stretch of logic? How about this one…
A little 3-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in there too long, so she goes in to see what’s up.
The little boy is sitting on the toilet reading a book. But about every 15 seconds or so, he puts the book down, grips the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of his head with his right hand.
His mother says, “Billy, are you all right? You’ve been in here for a while.”
Billy says, “I’m fine, Mommy. I just haven’t gone potty yet.”
Mother says, “Okay, you can stay here a few more minutes, but Billy, why are you hitting yourself on the head?”
“Works for ketchup,” he said.
Three-year-old logic eventually becomes teenage logic…
Last night, my kids and I were sitting in the living room and I said to them, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'
They got up, unplugged the computer and television, and threw out my beer.
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.
Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive notification of his comments, opinions and reports when they are posted, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.
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