“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
A guy with heart
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
It’s ditty time again. Enjoy.
A guy is 84 years old and loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, 'Pick me up.' He looked around and couldn't see anyone. He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, 'Pick me up.'
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'
The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, 'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'
With age comes wisdom.
The challenges of pre-teen sports…
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old softball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?'
The little girl nodded her head in the affirmative.
'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?'
The little girl nodded 'yes.'
'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a low life worthless idiot. Do you understand all that?'
The little girl nodded 'yes' again.
He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another girl gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb jerk, and toss a cup of Coke and ice through the fence on me is it?
The little girl shook her head 'no.'
'Good,' said the coach. ‘Now go over there and explain that to your grandmother.'
Maxine is at it again…
“Everyone concentrates on the problems we're having in this country: illegal immigration, hurricane recovery, and alligators attacking people in Florida.
“Not me. I concentrate on solutions for the problems. Here's a win-win situation:
“1) Dig a moat the length of the Mexican border.
“2) Send the dirt to New Orleans to raise the level of the levies.
“3) Put the Florida alligators in the moat along the Mexican border.
“Any other problems you would like for me to solve today?”
Yup. How about oil spills?
And here’s a guy with real heart…
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down. The vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.
When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for 20 years."
I climbed into my car and drove away.
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.
Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive a daily notification of his comments, opinions and reports, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.
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