Saturday, June 26, 2010

Balderdash - PC or Mac, Mac?

“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary

PC or Mac, Mac?
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson

We’ll slam PC’s in a moment. First, a few fond memories from my Texas days…
A cowboy walks into a bar and
orders three mugs of beer. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a
sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to
the bar and orders three more.
The bartender tells the cowboy, “You know, a mug can go
flat. It would taste better if you bought one at a
The cowboy replies, “Well, I have two brothers. One is in
 Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When they left home, we promised that we'd do this to remember 
the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of
 my brothers and one for myself.”
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same
 way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. The regulars take
 notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
 round, the bartender says, “I don't want to intrude on your grief, but 
I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.”
The cowboy looks puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. “Oh, no, everybody's just fine,” he explains, “It's just that my wife 
and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.
“Hasn't affected my brothers though.”
This is for all the guys who think they’re King...
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did it end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from underneath that bed, you coward.”
Frustrated by your PC? Check this out (I’m a Mac user)…
If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their famous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:
Costello calls to buy a computer from Abbott
Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: No, the name's Lou.
Abbott: Your computer?
Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
Abbott: Mac?
Costello: I told you, my name's Lou
Abbott: What about Windows?
Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows?
Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?
Abbott: Wallpaper.
Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
Abbott: Software for Windows?
Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
Abbott: I just did.
Costello: You just did what?
Abbott: Recommend something.
Costello: You recommended something?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: For my office?
Abbott: Yes.
Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
Abbott: Office.
Costello: Yes, for my office!
Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows
Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?
Abbott: Word.
Costello: What word?
Abbott: Word in Office.
Costello: The only word in office is office.
Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows.
Costello: Which word in office for windows?
Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.
Costello: I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: That's right. What do you have?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: I need money to track my money?
Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer.
Costello: What's bundled with my computer?
Abbott: Money.
Costello: Money comes with my computer?
Abbott: Yes. No extra charge.
Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
Abbott: One copy.
Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
Costello: They can give you a license to copy money?
Abbott: Why not? They own it.
(A few days later)
Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?
Costello: How do I turn my computer off?
Abbott: Click on 'START'............
I’m still grinning… are you?
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.

Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive his Verities & Balderdash comments by direct email, send your email address to: Please express your views or note a few of your own V&Bs.

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