“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Words of Wisdom
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
Like most folks in this country, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.
In order to get my paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test. My problem is with the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.
So, here is my question: Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their butt doing drugs while I work.
I guess we could call the program "Urine or You're Out"!
You are reaching a mature point in your life when…
You think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
You learn that nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
You totally take back all those times you didn't want to nap when you were younger.
You decide there is great need for a sarcasm font.
You think Map Quest really needs to start their directions on No. 5. You’re pretty sure you know how to get out of your neighborhood.
You realize that bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
You keep some people's phone numbers in your phone just so you know not to answer when they call.
You disagree with Kay Jewelers. You would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
You wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
When you ask how many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
You love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
You know that shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
Sometimes you look down at your watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
You Know You're Over The Hill When…
You're sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.
You tune into the easy listening station, on purpose.
You discover that your measurements are now small, medium and large, in that order.
You light the candles on your birthday cake and a group of campers form a circle and start singing Cumbaya.
You decide there is great need for a sarcasm font.
You keep repeating yourself.
You start videotaping daytime game shows.
At the airport, they ask to check your bags, and you're not carrying any luggage.
Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar... a month at a time.
At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.
Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
You keep repeating yourself.
It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.
You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
You look both ways before crossing a room.
You keep repeating yourself.
You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.
You find your mouth making promises your body can't keep.
You realize that bad decisions make good stories.
You keep repeating yourself.
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds to continue shaving and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
I don't scare easily but she scared me so much I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the phone, soaked my trousers and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!
Finally, words of wisdom from one of our founding fathers…
"Peace is that brief glorious moment in history when everybody stands around reloading." Thomas Jefferson
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.
Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive a daily notification of his comments, opinions and reports, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.
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