“Verity - the quality or state of being true or real; Balderdash – nonsense.”
Miriam-Webster Online Dictionary
Livin’ and Laffin’
Verities & Balderdash
By Bob Robinson
I have occasionally been in a position to ask for a raise, but most of the time, I was the one being asked. This is probably the most creative approach I’ve ever seen…
“Excuse me sir, may I talk to you?”
“Well sir, as you know, I have been an employee of this prestigious firm for over 10 years.”
“Yes.”
“I won't beat around the bush. Sir, I would like a raise. I currently have three companies after me and so I decided to talk to you first.”
“A raise? I would love to give you a raise, but this is just not the right time.”
“I understand your position, and I know that the current economic downturn has had a negative impact on sales, but you must also take into consideration my hard work, pro-activeness and loyalty to this company for over a decade.”
“Taking into account these factors, and considering I don't want to start a brain drain, I'm willing to offer you a ten percent raise and an extra five days of vacation time. How does that sound?”
“Great! It's a deal! Thank you, sir!”
“Before you go, just out of curiosity, what companies were after you?”
“Oh, the electric company, gas company and water company!”
A half century ago, I’d have called this next one an ‘R’ or ‘X’ rated tidbit. And I’d have laughed my foolish, immature head off. Today, I guess you’ll have to say it’s ‘PG-13’ or, sadly, maybe even just ‘PG.’
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 25th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly.
George brushed her off.
Harriet objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude.”
"Harriet, she's a prostitute."
"I don't believe you. That sweet young thing?"
"Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it."
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for 'Bambi' to come to Room 217.
"Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?"
Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swinging her hips provocatively.
George asked, "How much do you charge?"
"$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services."
Even George was taken aback.
"$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25."
Bambi laughed derisively.
"You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price."
"Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye."
After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom.
She said, "I just can't believe it!"
George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner."
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?"
Only two observations… somehow I can’t believe that Harriet was that naïve, and… how did George know Bambi’s name? This next one, however, is precious…
A little girl asked her Mom, 'Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around
the block?'
Mom replies, 'No, she is in heat.'
'What's that mean?' asked the child.
'Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage.'
The little girl goes to the garage and says, 'Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you.'
Dad said, 'Bring Belle over here.’
He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent and said 'okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.'
The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.
Surprised, Dad asked, 'Where's Belle?'
The little girl said, 'She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.'
If you ain't laffin'... you ain't livin'.
Remember, verities should be thought provoking; balderdash is nonsense.
See you next time.
Bob Robinson is the retired editor of The Daily Advocate, Greenville, Ohio. If you wish to receive a daily notification of his comments, opinions and reports, send your email address to: opinionsbybob@gmail.com. Feel free to express your views.
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